You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
