are you still at the devil's house?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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