his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
