i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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