I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
