Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish I only lived at night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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