Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
