You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
