pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
