An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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