I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
