Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
