I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
