walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
