I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
