to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
