I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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