it's not cheating when I paid for it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
