I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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