I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize