I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
