Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
