just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
