we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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