She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
