he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
