i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
