I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
