You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think my mom watched the whole time
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
