If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
