Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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