shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize