this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
