Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
