You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We talked him into tasing himself.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
