So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
