I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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