i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
