It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
