After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
