I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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