he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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