i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
