just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
