I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
