I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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