I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
