dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
