I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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