Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
