I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
