When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
