What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
did i walk over a car last night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
