i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
