at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
