when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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