Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
