I don't usually arrange sex via text message
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
