I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
bring money and cleavage
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
