Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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