Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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