I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
