So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
