Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
