I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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