Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
