she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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