i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
