I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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