Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
