Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
