barbara walters just said penis...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
