So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
