Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize